gorenator --

i never got the chance to tell you how much i love you.  you have meant the world to me, more than you will ever know.  you were my grounding point, the person i could rely on to let me know that i was loved, and that although things seemed bad, they weren't horrible, that they would always get better.  i regret never telling this to you while you were with me, but i know that now you are still watching, with that beautiful smile of yours, letting me know that things will get better.

you were a great friend, one of the best i have ever had, and i wish that we had had more time together, and that we had talked more than we did the past few years, but i will never forget the times that we had together.  so i never wound up dating the guys that you thought i should, and that you tried so hard to get me to date, but they are still my good friends, which is important, they are still in my life.  just as you will always be.

i promise that i will always try to smile, no matter how much it hurts, and i'm not going to lie, the past few days have been almost impossible to keep smiling.  the only reason that i have been able to at least try, is that i know that that's what you would have wanted.  i know that you want me to smile, and be happy, and get the most out of my life, no matter how hard it is.  i promise i will never forget this gift that you have given me.

i promise to let other people know how important you are to me, and to honor your memory the best that i can.  one of the girls in my chapter, said that she thinks that i am the same as you, caring and loving no matter what.  i wish that it were fully true, because the fact of the matter is that i have strived, the entire time that i have known you, to be more like you.  i want to show people unending compassion, and to always find the positive in the situation, no matter how small it may be.  i want for my smile to not only reassure other people, but to reassure myself, because, i know that i need it the most some times.  i wish i didn't doubt in myself, and that i could fully love the person that i am, 100% of the time, and i am working on it.  i am working on letting go of the things that have hurt me in the past, so that i can move on, and grow, and become the person that you knew i am and could become.

you were one of my best friends from bbyo.  you have touched so many lives in such a short time, and we will always miss you.

i love you, and always will.  you will always be in my heart.

jennifer louise goldstein

in the spirit of ending the school year, and the varsity athletic banquet last night, here's the speech that i would have given.

if you had told me, four years ago, that i would have been a varsity athlete in college, i would have laughed at you.  my high school volleyball coach told me, as he cut me from the team my junior year, that i would never amount to anything athletically.  but i have.  i proved him wrong.  the past four years on the sailing team have changed my life.

i didn't have the athletic experience at brandeis that most of you had.  my team is not in the uaa, and my sport is not an ncaa sport.  people may not always go to your games, but they certainly don't go to our regattas.  most people on this campus don't even realize we exist, including, probably, many people in this room.  i can't even imagine trying to count the number of times i had to explain to people, that yes, there is a sailing team.  yes, it is a real sport.  no, we don't have to get up early in the morning.  and no, we don't row, we sail.  we sail small dinghies, two people to a boat. 

i joined the sailing team my freshman year, because i loved sailing, and i thought that racing would make my competitive nature fit in well with my love -- and it was one of the best decisions of my life.  racing consumed me, it was all i could talk about, as my roommates can attest to.  my team, that was a different story.  when i joined, the team was basically split into two groups of people that didn't really associate with each other, however, as time passed, and the team got smaller, that eventually went away.  in the fall of my sophomore year, the sailing team, was for the first time, a women's team, with only four people, the minimum number needed to sail.  im not going to lie, my grades suffered because of this, but i was able to do it.  in the spring, two more people joined, and we qualified for new englands, an enormous feat, considering that new england is the hardest district in the country.  my junior year and my senior year, we were not as fortunate with the rankings, but the team grew larger and more dedicated, an equally important feat.

i have had the honor to serve the team in all capacities, as a member, and as a captain, as crew and as skipper.  i am proud of what i accomplised, both individually as a person, and as a sailor, as well as a member of the team.  i have battled many things, my grades, my schedule, and a shoulder injury that benched me from the fall season of my senior year.  but now, my time here as a college athlete is finished, and i really don't have any regrets, because while my time at brandeis as a sailor is finished, i've just begun.  we have a saying on our shirts, live slow, sail fast, and it's true.  you need to take time to enjoy whats going on around you, but still work your hardest.  in sailing you dont have to win every race to win the regatta, you just have to do your best, and be consistent.

that's pretty much what i would have said.  i would have restrained myself from bitching out my co-captain, i would have restrained myself from telling off my coach, and i would have restrained myself from demanding more respect from the university. 

hmmm..... trying to think what exactly is new in the life of jen....  so much really

first -- im back up in waltham, have been for a month actually... and one of these days ill finally finish unpacking all of my stuff, maybe even before its time for me to move out =)  and the best part though about the whole thing is that we got a washer and dryer two weeks ago =)  its sooooo nice not having to find quarters to be able to do laundry.

classes and work are going really well.  im working in the pepperberg lab -- its a behavior lab on campus where we work with parrots and teach them things -- like colors and numbers and letters and other fun things, they're really actually very smart.  and class, well right now im currently kicking its ass, which is always good =)  i love intro classes, they make me feel all smart and stuff...

but in all honesty, the best part of everything is the way that life has been going =)  i love my roommates, they're really awesome, classes and work and fun, and even though i kinda lead a boring life at times of class, work, and sailing, and sitting at home, im enjoying myself.  its really really good.  i mean i guess that i could be leading a more exciting life and all -- but im not wishing that i am, for once, and im loving that feeling.  for once, i truly am happy, and i really havent felt like this in such a long time.

anyways, i should probably get back to doing my reading for class for tomorrow.....

olga -- read my lips, bitch, you are going down..........

sorry, im sick of hearing her "music", listening to her having sex, and everything else that goes on in her room, and having my room smell like cigarette smoke from her.

but anyways, today was a pretty tame day, although i made the best vegetarian tacos after class today for dinner =) absolutely amazing  but time for shower and bed, so i can go to class tomorrow, and then to nh for a concert =)